5 ways you get in your own way and what to do about it

Here's how to better manage the expectations and limiting beliefs that hold you back.

Welcome to Own Your Ambition, the weekly newsletter designed to empower and give professional women the tools they need to be successful. As a former CEO who made it to the C Suite from an entry level, I know first hand what it takes for women to realize their ambition and reach their career goals.

Drawing from my own experience as well as having coached professional women since 2007, I am very familiar with the roadblocks women face to own their ambition.

The results of my recent poll pinpoint what YOU find as the biggest challenges. Thank you so much for your valuable input and I summarize the results at the end of this newsletter.

But here’s the truth: when you get rid of your own self-imposed barriers, you clear your path for success. Because often you are your own worst enemy. You can control this. Awareness is a great first step to taking back your power.

The stress of navigating the complexities of the workplace and trying to get ahead or at least doing your best work takes its toll over time. There are external obstacles that you confront every day. That’s reality. But truth be told, you would be able to tackle almost anything life throws at you if you could better manage your own expectations and limiting beliefs about yourself; in other words, if you could get out of your own way. The internal barriers you create rob you of the energy and passion you need to succeed. It undermines your belief in yourself.

How do you get in your own way?

Perfectionism.

First and foremost, you don’t give yourself a break. You beat yourself up for not doing better work or completing enough work. Perfectionism can get the best of you as you to try to exceed expectations, and the most difficult expectations are the ones you create for yourself. Your habit of not acknowledging your accomplishments and believing that the results are never good enough sabotages your grit and ambition. Think about it. How often do you give yourself a ‘high 5’ for your accomplishments and cheer yourself on?

Solution: Learn to own your talent and success. Keep a daily journal of your accomplishments, big and small, and review them at the end of the week and ask yourself, what does this say about me? Routinely share your accomplishments with your manager in a weekly or bi-weekly status report. And practice accepting not deflecting compliments when given.

Negative self-talk.

Listening to the negative chatter in your head. If you are having an ongoing conversation with yourself most of the time, it’s almost impossible to actively listen to others and communicate appropriately. The focus on how best to respond and have the perfect answer jeopardizes not only your ability to truly listen, but it also hinders your ability to speak up effectively. In this article, Matt Abramson addresses how the chatter in our heads prevents us from speaking spontaneously.

Solution: Listening to the negative self-talk gives it power and although you will never completely silence the chatter, with practice and focus, you can learn to normalize it and not pay attention. Meditation and mindfulness help clear out the negativity. Michael Singer’s book, The Untethered Soul, was a life-changing book for me in that it taught me to ‘relax and release’ the negativity that preoccupied my thoughts.

Procrastination

Another way you get in your own way is by procrastinating. Procrastination may stem from a lack of confidence and self-doubt and a discomfort with asserting yourself. You put things off that you find uncomfortable or difficult.

Solution: When you find yourself routinely procrastinating, look for patterns. How and when do you procrastinate? Is it a certain type of work that you shy away from and why is that? Are you holding yourself back from asking for a promotion or raise or special assignment and why is that? Building your self-awareness is the first step to overcoming sabotaging behavior.

The Doer Trap

The ‘Doer Trap’ is another common way you get in your own way. You keep busy, very busy. In fact, you feel most comfortable when you’re busy. You focus all your energy on your to-do list and may even earn the reputation as the ‘go-to person’, but this doesn’t help you get ahead. You’re seen as a doer not a leader.

Solution: Ask yourself if you stay busy because it makes you feel safe. Do you use the excuse of being too busy to avoid less comfortable activities that might help your career such as networking and building influence, special assignments, finding a mentor or sponsor? In other words, is keeping busy a way you neglect doing things to advance your career? The irony here is you may think volunteering for extra work will help you get ahead, but it often has the opposite effect.

You’re too nice.

Many women struggle with how to be assertive and not offend anyone, how to say no and set boundaries. When you are overly nice and accommodating, you give your power away and put yourself last. Others take advantage of your willingness to appease them and avoid conflict. Your niceness gets in the way of having others take you seriously.

Solution: Ask yourself how does being too nice hold you back? Look for female role models in your company and observe their behavior and communication patterns. How do they balance assertiveness and niceness? Or do they? Is being nice valued in your company? Ask yourself how have you compromised yourself and your values by going out of your way to appease others? If this is the case, keep a diary of each time you sacrifice something to be nice. Write down how you could have responded differently. This will build your awareness and help you change your behavior.

Sometimes, all you really need to do to get ahead is to get out of your own way. Then the path is clear for you to overcome any external workplace obstacles and reach your career goals.

Have you reached the point where you’re ready to take control of your career?

I’m offering a FREE 30 minute coaching session to the first 5 people who sign up (a $250 value).

Email me directly to claim your spot today and:

• Identify the biggest obstacles you have to reaching your goals.

• Create a strategic plan to move forward.

• Learn the best way to stay on track.

I look forward to learning more about you and your career!

Here are the results of last week’s poll on the biggest career challenges you face.

Thank you so much for your valuable input!

Here are the results to what are your biggest career challenges:

• Finding a job 31%

• Office politics 24%

• Self-promotion 19%

• Getting promoted 12%

• Getting visibility/being heard 14%

Here are the results to my question about what resources you would find most valuable:

• one on one coaching 38%

• Group coaching 21%

• Newsletter/books 21%

• Online programs 17%

• Videos 3%

The vast majority of those who responding prefer one on one coaching for support. My post today offers a free 30 minute coaching call (valued at $250) for the first 5 people who sign up. Check it out if you missed it. There may still be openings!

On an ongoing basis, I will be offering more discounts for individual and group coaching for PAID subscribers only, along with access to my proven strategies, tools, and templates.

For just $7 per month/$80 per year, you will receive all posts and services.

Upgrade to paid now to take advantage of these resources.