Welcome to Own Your Ambition, the weekly newsletter designed to give professional women the tools they need to be successful. As a former CEO who made it to the C Suite from an entry level, I know first hand what it takes for women to realize their ambition and reach their career goals.
Power to get things done and impact change doesn’t just come from having a big title. It also comes from influence. And knowing how to build influence across the organization is a power tool that women can use to not only advance their careers but build consensus for their ideas.
In this article, I’ll explore what influence really means, how you can use your natural strengths to build it, the ways women’s influence-building may differ from men’s, and how it can pay dividends in credibility, visibility, and career advancement.
In the workplace today, if you want to advance your ideas and your career, it’s not just about how hard you work or how well you perform, though those matter. It's about your ability to shape perceptions, build alliances, and move others to act. For women, especially in environments still shaped by patriarchal norms, building influence is not only strategic, it’s essential.
But influence is often misunderstood. It isn’t manipulation. It isn’t domination. It’s the ability to affect outcomes through persuasion, connection, trust, and visibility. And while traditional notions of influence in the workplace tend to skew masculine, assertiveness, control, command, women have distinct, often undervalued qualities that can serve as powerful influence tools when consciously and strategically leveraged.
What’s influence? It’s the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something.
In the workplace, it manifests in how you:
Persuade colleagues and decision-makers
Advocate for yourself and others
Sell your ideas effectively
Gain trust and credibility
Lead change, formally or informally
According to leadership expert Dr. Robert Cialdini, the six principles of influence are: reciprocity, commitment and consistency, social proof, authority, liking, and scarcity. These principles are neutral, but how they’re used often differs by gender, as do the workplace consequences of using them.
Why influence matters for women
Women often face barriers to leadership and advancement that men do not. The “likability penalty” (where assertive women are seen as competent but unlikable), unconscious bias, exclusion from informal power networks, and societal expectations all limit traditional routes to career success. We’re familiar with all of them!
As a result, influence becomes a critical tool. Unlike power that is granted by title or hierarchy, influence is cultivated. It can be built laterally or even from the margins. For women, this means influence offers a workaround to gatekeeping, allowing them to rise and lead without waiting for permission.
Good news: You already have what it takes to build influence!
You don’t need to be loud, forceful, or aggressive to build influence. Some of the most powerful influencers are the quiet forces in a room. Women, often socialized to develop emotional intelligence, empathy, collaboration, and communication skills, already have many of the attributes that create authentic influence.
Here are some key feminine traits that can be powerful assets:
1. Empathy and Emotional Intelligence
Empathy allows women to read the room, understand stakeholders’ concerns, and frame their ideas in ways that resonate. This builds trust, which is a foundation of influence.
Example:
One of my former clients, Renee, a marketing director in a global tech company, noticed that her male peers always led with facts and data in presentations, but often lost engagement. I suggested she start opening her proposals with short stories about customer experiences, connecting emotionally before layering in data. It worked! Her presentations gained traction because she knew how to make her audience feel the need for change.
2. Active Listening
Women are often skilled listeners. Listening well enables you to tailor your messaging and position your ideas in alignment with what others care about. That’s persuasive power.
Research:
A Harvard Business Review study found that women consistently scored higher than men on competencies related to emotional intelligence, including listening and coaching. These skills though often dismissed as “soft,” are foundational to influence.
3. Collaboration and Relationship Building
Women tend to build and sustain networks through shared purpose and mutual support rather than transactional exchange. These authentic relationships create loyalty and influence.
Example:
When Mary, a senior HR manager, wanted to push for a new parental leave policy that was not widely popular, I suggested she first meet one on one informally with leaders across departments, gathering input and building early champions to build consensus. People want to feel their input is valued. This gives them buy in and often leads to their support. By the time she presented to the executive team, she had pre-wired support. The initiative was adopted!
6 strategies to build influence authentically
To thrive, you must embrace your strengths and learn to play the influence game strategically.
Here are some practical ways to build influence at work:
1. Know Your Stakeholders
Map the people who matter to your goals. Understand what motivates them, what keeps them up at night, and how you can be valuable to them. Influence is about mutual benefit.
2. Speak Up Strategically
Raise your voice in meetings—not just to share, but to shape direction. Prepare talking points, anticipate objections, and back your ideas with both logic and emotion.
3. Tell Stories That Stick
Data tells. Stories sell. Use narrative to make your ideas memorable and to humanize your point of view. This is a skill worthy of learning.
4. Cultivate Credibility
Follow through. Be known for reliability, thoughtfulness, and results. When people trust your judgment, they’re more likely to be influenced by your ideas.
5. Build a Coalition
Identify allies and champions across departments and levels. Influence grows exponentially when it’s shared. Don’t try to go it alone.
6. Visibility = Influence
Influence requires presence. Volunteer for cross-functional projects. Share wins publicly. Ask to present to senior leaders. Visibility is not vanity—it’s currency.
Be mindful of some common pitfalls:
Over stressing your likability: It’s great to be liked, but not at the expense of being respected. Don’t water down your ideas for approval.
Perfectionism: You don’t need to have everything figured out before speaking up. Influencers shape direction, not just respond to it.
Invisible labor: Avoid becoming the behind-the-scenes doer who makes others look good while remaining unrecognized. Make your contributions known.
Influence is not about changing who you are—it’s about owning who you are and using it to create impact.
You have innate talents that, when strategically applied, make you an exceptional influencer: empathy, relationship-building, active listening, collaboration. The key is to recognize these as strengths, not soft skills as they’re been labeled, and to wield them with intention.
Your ideas matter.
Your voice matters.
Your presence matters.
And your ability to influence others by being authentically and strategically yourself can open doors, shift cultures, and move your career forward.
Want to build more influence at work?
Start small.
Choose one meeting this week to speak up more intentionally.
Prepare one story to support your next proposal.
Schedule one conversation with a potential ally.
Influence isn’t built in a day, but every interaction is a chance to grow it!
I love your take and the examples that you shared to support it. Thank you!
I like how you push back on the idea that influence has to be all command and control, Bonnie. Often the real impact comes from steady connection and earned credibility.